Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Who's got the over/under on the Mayans

In order to distract from the usual political doom and gloom around this blog, I've created some Mayan Apocalypse Betting Scenarios to liven the mood:

This is all a big fuss over nothing 1:1
Pakistan and India just couldn't get their shit together for another year 4:1
Somebody falls asleep on the button at an army base 6:1
Riots. Always with the riots 7:1
Polar shifts. Haven't you been watching doomsday peppers? 10:1
The south finally rises again. But this time, they have nukes 20:1
The Qur'an burning pastor from Florida takes a tour of the middle east 50:1
Same thing as above, but he also has Pamela Geller with him 100:1
Y2K, but 12 years late 1000:1
Felix Bumgartner's sonic boom finally reaches earth. Can you say new grand canyon? 9,001:1
Aliens 10,000:1
Honey Boo Boo, Snooki, and Kim Kardashian All go to collect their nobel prizes. The combined intelligence in the room causes the earth to explode 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000:1

Have a great new year, and be sure to pick up the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, in case you really do need to flee earth. Happy holidays!

Fiscal Cliff, Shmiscal Cliff: To compromise, or not...

SEQUESTRATION. Oh, okay. I see you aren't scared by that word. What if I told you that it was another name for the FISCAL CLIFF? Yep, your all terrified now. Peeing your pants, I bet. But why is this all so scary for the common American. I'll let you know. Not only will this raise the taxes of average americans by a couple thousand dollars each year, it will also signify a watershed change in the attitude of congress. We are truly a nation divided. Civil Wars and Civil Rights aside, you basically have a country that, instead of sitting down to talk politics, puts its hands over its ears, and goes "LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" at the first sign of political discourse that borders on reasonable or moderate. I have many republican friends. I use them to help me hone my discussion points, because if I were to stay within an ideological bubble, it would weaken my debating and discussion skills to the point that I would sound like an ignorant youtube commentor, throwing slurs around with the greatest of ease. Unfortunately, one could almost see today's congress as a discussion board online. And that is why we need action, not reaction. Sit down, open your computer, contact your representatives in the house and senate, and let them know that compromise is actually a good thing, not a sign of surrender. That going across the aisle to work with a different party shouldn't mean the end of their political career. And that you pledge to support them in their reelection bid, but only as long as they can find a way to work together. Use the hash tag #CongressCompromise on twitter to let others know. And please, for the love of (God/Yahweh/Allah/Buddha/Zeus/Jupiter/Cthulhu/Satan/Undecided/Atheism) just don't let congress gridlock on our future. It's too important.

K

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Right in the childhood

Lobby, Lobby, Lobby, Get your access here.
(Sung to the tune of Lolly, Lolly, Lolly. My deepest apologies to School House Rock)

CHORUS:
Lobby lobby lobby
get your access here.

got right left and center
giving access here.

pay us lots of money
and will make it absolutely clear
you'll be a good guy on Capitol hill

VERSE:
Pair it with a contract
it's how much you bid.

Several small tax loopholes
it's how much you hid

dont forget the latin
there's Pro Quo and Quid

but wait there's more...

How, where or when
Conditions and reason

these questions are answered
when you use a law firm.

CHORUS:

Lobby lobby lobby
get your access here.

got right left and center
giving access here.

pay us lots of money
and will make it absolutely clear
you'll be a good guy on Capitol hill.

ANNOUNCER:
Come on down to lobby's
where the senators go dirt cheap

(Lobby, Lobby, Lobby)

representatives too...

(Lobby, Lobby, Lobby)

Great bargains here for you...

Indubitably

My thoughts on Newtown...

Tuesday, December 18th, 2012,

When I first heard of the tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary School, it wasn't so much the deaths of 20 innocent children that had me on the verge of breaking down in school that day. It was the location. You can almost see a high school or college student as being emotionally tortured enough to do something like this in their school building, but in an elementary school? I myself am in high school at the time of this post, and It scares the hell out of me. I want to have to worry about getting a date, or taking care of my body. Not wondering if today is going to be the day that some maniac with a high powered rifle comes in, and splatters my brain across some wall in a godforsaken fashion. What happens now that an elementary school lies emotionally broken. How do we, as a nation, plan to combat this, when our response at the end of all this seems to be a "we tried our best" with a shoulder shrug for good effect. Are we going to let the NRA steer this debate into the arena of mental health. You are about to see what our "crusade" against gun violence has accomplished. Be warned, it may be disconcerting to your sense of complacency:

2000:

Wakefield massacre: Wakefield, Massachusetts

Michael McDermott, 42, opened fire on coworkers at Edgewater Technology and was later arrested. Total injured and killed: 7

2001:

Navistar shooting: Melrose Park, Illinois

Fired employee William D. Baker, 66, opened fire at his former Navistar workplace before committing suicide. Total injured and killed: 9

2003:

Lockheed Martin shooting: Meridian, Mississippi

Assembly line worker Douglas Williams, 48, opened fire at his Lockheed Martin workplace in a racially motivated attack before committing suicide. Total injured and killed: 15

2004:

Damageplan show shooting: Columbus, Ohio


Nathan Gale, 25, possibly upset about the breakup of Pantera, gunned down former Pantera guitarist Dimebag Darrell and three others at a "Damageplan" show before a police officer fatally shot Gale. Total injured and killed: 12

2005:

Living Church of God shooting: Brookfield, Wisconsin

Living Church of God member Terry Michael Ratzmann, 44, opened fire at a church meeting at a Sheraton hotel before committing suicide. Total injured and killed: 11
Mar. 12


Red Lake massacre: Red Lake, Minnesota

Jeffrey Weise, 16, murdered his grandfather, who was a police officer, and grandfather's girlfriend. Weise then drove his grandfather's squad car to Red Lake Senior High School and opened fire on the reservation campus, killing another seven people before committing suicide. Total injured and killed: 15

2006:

Goleta postal shootings: Goleta, California

Former postal worker Jennifer San Marco, 44, shot dead a former neighbor then drove to the mail processing plant where she used to work. Inside, she opened fire, killing six employees before committing suicide. Total injured and killed: 8


Capitol Hill massacre: Capitol Hill, Washington

Kyle Aaron Huff, 28, opened fire at a rave afterparty in the Capitol Hill neighborhood of Seattle before committing suicide. Total injured and killed: 9


Amish school shooting: Lancaster County, Pennsylvania

Charles Carl Roberts, 32, shot 10 young girls in a one-room schoolhouse in Bart Township, killing 5, before taking his own life. Total injured and killed: 11

Mar. 25

2007:

Trolley Square shooting: Salt Lake City, Utah

Sulejman Talovia‡, 18, rampaged through the shopping center until he was shot dead by police. Total injured and killed: 10


Virginia Tech massacre: Blacksburg, Virginia


Apr. 16
Virginia Tech student Seung-Hui Cho, 23, opened fire on his school's campus before committing suicide. Total injured and killed: 56


Crandon shooting: Crandon, Wisconsin

Off-duty sheriff's deputy Tyler Peterson, 20, opened fire inside an apartment after an argument at a homecoming party. He fled the scene and later committed suicide. Total injured and killed: 7


Westroads Mall shooting: Omaha, Nebraska

Robert A. Hawkins, 19, opened fire inside Westroads Mall before committing suicide. Total injured and killed: 13

2008:

Kirkwood City Council shooting: Kirkwood, Missouri

Charles Lee Thornton, 52, went on a rampage at the city hall before being shot and killed by police. Total injured and killed: 8

Northern Illinois University shooting: DeKalb, Illinois

Steven Kazmierczak, 27, opened fire in a lecture hall, then shot and killed himself before police arrived. Total injured and killed: 27
Feb. 14

Atlantis Plastics shooting: Henderson, Kentucky

Disgruntled employee Wesley Neal Higdon, 25, shot up an Atlantis Plastics factory after he was escorted out of his workplace for an argument with a supervisor. Higdon shot the supervisor outside the factory before opening fire on coworkers inside. He then committed suicide. Total injured and killed
: 7

2009:

Carthage nursing home shooting: Carthage, North Carolina

Robert Stewart, 45, opened fire at a nursing home where his estranged wife worked before he was shot and arrested by a police officer. Total injured and killed: 11



Binghamton shootings: Binghamton, New York

Jiverly Wong, 41, opened fire at an American Civic Association center for immigrants before committing suicide. Total injured and killed: 18


Apr. 3

Fort Hood massacre: Fort Hood, Texas

Army psychiatrist Nidal Malik Hasan, 39, opened fire on an Army base in an attack linked to Islamist extremism. Hasan was injured during the attack and later arrested. Total injured and killed: 43

Coffee shop police killings: Parkland, Washington
Maurice Clemmons, 37, a felon who was out on bail for child-rape charges, entered a coffee shop on a Sunday morning and shot four police officers who had gone there to use their laptops before their shifts. Clemmons, who was wounded fleeing the scene, was later shot dead by a police officer in Seattle after a two-day manhunt. Total injured and killed: 5
Nov. 29


2010:

Hartford Beer Distributor shooting: Manchester, Connecticut

Omar S. Thornton, 34, shot up his Hartford Beer Distributor workplace after facing disciplinary issues, then committed suicide. Total injured and killed: 11

2011:

Tucson shooting: Tucson, Arizona

Jared Loughner, 22, opened fire outside a Safeway during a constituent meeting with Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords (D-Ariz.) before he was subdued by bystanders and arrested. Total injured and killed: 19


IHOP shooting: Carson City, Nevada

Eduardo Sencion, 32, opened fire at an International House of Pancakes restaurant and later died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound. Total injured and killed: 12


Sep. 6

Seal Beach shooting: Seal Beach, California

Scott Evans Dekraai, 42, opened fire inside a hair salon and was later arrested. Total injured and killed: 9
Oct. 14

2012:

Su Jung Health Sauna shooting

Jeong Soo Paek, 59, returned to a Korean spa from which he'd been kicked out after an altercation. He gunned down two of his sisters and their husbands before committing suicide. Total injured and killed: 5

Oikos University killings: Oakland, California
One L. Goh, 43, a former student, opened fire in a nursing classroom. He fled the scene by car and was arrested nearby a few hours later. Total injured and killed: 10


Seattle cafe shooting: Seattle, Washington

Ian Stawicki, 40, gunned down four patrons at a cafe, and another person during a carjacking nearby, then shot himself as police closed in. (He died later that day in a Seattle hospital.) Total injured and killed: 7


Aurora theater shooting: Aurora, Colorado

James Holmes, 24, opened fire in a movie theater during the opening night of "The Dark Knight Rises" and was later arrested outside. Total injured and killed: 70


Sikh temple shooting: Oak Creek, Wisconsin

U.S. Army veteran Wade Michael Page, 40, opened fire in a Sikh gurdwara before he died from a self-inflicted gunshot would during a shootout with police. Total injured and killed: 10


Accent Signage Systems shooting

Andrew Engeldinger, 36, upon learning he was being fired, went on a shooting rampage, killing the business owner, three fellow employees, and a UPS driver. He then killed himself. Total injured and killed: 8


Newtown school shooting

Adam Lanza, 20, shot his mother dead at their home then drove to Sandy Hook Elementary school. He forced his way inside and opened fire, killing 20 children and six adults before committing suicide. Total injured and killed: at least 28

I have a message for the gun crowd that thinks having an uzi on the shelf is reasonable...I get it, okay. I really do. I understand that you read the 2nd amendment, and think that it means you can use high powered weaponry. But you can't. The founding fathers didn't foresee the power of the modern firearm, and were making sure that unlike in great britain, you could defend yourself from an unjust government. It doesn't mean that just because the guy who doesn't look like you won, you can prep like it's the end of the world (OH LAWDY, HEYAH COMES THE FISCAL CLIFF!). Don't think that giving everyone a gun is going to magically solve all of our problems...

Now that I'm done with that, its time to say the dreaded GC word. Gun Control. We need better gun control, otherwise, things like this are going to keep happening with increasing frequency. And someday, It may be you getting shot at by a maniac, and thinking, "How did he get that gun?". But by then, it's going to be too late. Let's stop america from becoming one big police line, and take semi-automatic weapons out of the hands of common folks.

Sincerely,
K

P.S. The face of evil has many faces...




Apr. 2